My Problems with Taking Criticism
People say that I have trouble taking criticism. And enough people do that it definitely makes the argument at least worth looking into. So, what do I think? Do I personally think that I have trouble taking criticism? It's not a simple answer. You want a simple answer, it's both yes and no. I frequently think (not just say, actually think) that some of my critics are trolls. And I'm dismissive to a lot who don't come across as trolls. The thing is... these people are strangers, over the internet. People who I know, and trust, like the people who work on Growing Around with me, I can easily take criticism from them—but that doesn't always mean I agree with them. Here's the thing about me, I need to be able to trust someone before I can take criticism from them, or compliments for that matter. Or just opinions about me in general. The term is called mind-blindness. I hate blaming my conditions for my faults, but it's a symptom of Asperger's. It's usually known as "lack of empathy" (which is misleading), but can also be known as "mind-blindness" (which is also misleading). What does this mean? Difficulty, like intense difficulty reading intentions. It's hard enough in person. Through the internet? Good luck, you're going to need it. More importantly, you need tact. Let me explain how this might surface, because it does surface. A person nearby keeps writing on something. When I get close, they try to hide it. The reality is that they're just writing something personal they don't want anyone to see. My thoughts will interpret this as "they're probably writing something about me that they don't want me to see. Neutral actions are frequently interpreted as negative. And in particularly annoying cases, even positive actions can be interpreted as negative. Now, obviously this doesn't happen automatically. My mind makes connections based on actual experiences. I tend to think I'm being excluded or people are going to take advantage of me because those things have happened in the past. Actually, I don't think I want to call it "thinking." If I said that, it would imply that I have some choice in the matter. How I react to these thoughts are definitely my choice, even though it sometimes gets ahead of me. There are people with legitimate criticism, even legitimate harsh criticism. Unfortunately the internet is painted with dickweeds and assholes. People in general have a hard time telling the difference between abrasive critics and trolls or haters. Imagine that difficulty times ten. Every critic who comes at through the internet is a stranger that I've never met who may find themselves using language similar to assholes that I've faced. Do I listen to criticism? Of course I do, I listen to critics of people that I've gotten to know. It's largely a trust issue. Someone has a criticism for one of my projects that seems a little out of left-field. My mind frequently jumps to "they're saying this because they want it to fail." Why does it do this? Because there are actually people on the internet who do want my projects to fail and I've gotten to know them. Does it sound like paranoia? It's not. Paranoid people frequently get comfort in their paranoid delusions. If everyone's out to get you, then you're someone of importance. If you think that your friends don't want to spend any time with you, then you're... well the exact opposite. Remember, these thoughts come out of past events and tend to use anecdotal evidence. Because one person hurt me in this particular way, someone else may be trying to hurt me in this particular way. That I feel this way isn't my fault. How I react to them is my choice. And my choice is to listen to people who I know that I can trust. It has nothing to do with the other person, and entirely to do with me. I understand that only listening to people has a larger chance of limiting world-views and has less of a chance of catching mistakes, but it's largely better than going off the handle at innocent strangers or going into a paranoid panic or completely ignoring my inhibitions and actually go with destructive advice. I'm not paranoid, we all know that trolls and assholes exist on the internet. Doesn't that make me a hypocrite though? If anything it makes me a glass cannon. Do I expect anyone I criticize to listen to me? Not unless they directly ask me, no. Considering some of my earlier, more abrasive reviews, there are some people who shouldn't listen to me. Giving criticism and taking criticism are two different skill sets. If you want to criticize me, fine. I'm not going to say that I don't care, but unless you're someone who I personally trust, it's going to be very difficult for me to listen. "Why don't you just take the extra time to figure out someone's intentions" Because I deal with hundreds, sometimes thousands, of people every day. People I don't know, all with their own unique intentions. A lot of the things that I've regretted came from within, personal decisions that I came to on my own. That being said, a lot of people saying the same thing gets past the trust issue, people with a positive reputation can get past the trust issue, so I don't completely shut out what people say to me on the internet. Is it cowardly? I don't know. All I know, is that it's safe. But that's why I seem to have problems taking criticism. I'm not going to lie, I do have some problems taking criticism. What people have to understand though is that it's not a pride issue, it's a trust issue. Category:Miscellaneous